Friday, August 29, 2008

Relationship Curve - The Dreamcatcher Theory

I know I run a serious risk of being termed a nerd or an even worse…an MBA! Just a case of “you can run but you cannot hide” ;)! Funnily, yesterday I was reading an article on “finding your inner voice” and today I had an “enlightened” thought…inspiration ;)??!!

Benjamin Peirce defined mathematics as "the science that draws necessary conclusions”. If you google the term “mathematics”, Wikipedia will tell you that “Other practitioners of mathematics maintain that mathematics is the science of pattern, and that mathematicians seek out patterns whether found in numbers, space, science, computers, imaginary abstractions, or elsewhere”. And today, I found a pattern in all relationships. A graphical representation of all “non-blood relationships”! Let’s call it the “relationship curve”… (God, I know so clichéd…but I promise this is not at all a preview of what is to come! I promise!)

In my opinion, all non-blood relationships in this world go through a curve like the one shown above.


X-axis: Represents the ability to “give” in a relationship
Y-axis: Represents what you “receive” in a relationship

When we meet someone new in our lives, we all start at THE ORIGIN. It’s all neutral at that point.

Quadrant 2 (shown as Dislike to Hate Quadrant): This is a phase that I don’t want to spend too much time explaining. This phase is very self explanatory. You can dislike someone and with time, it’s possible, you may end up hating the person. And remember, “Hate” is a strong word. You may have done something (as viewed by the other person) nasty to be on the receiving end of this emotion. The time to reach infinity in this phase is way shorter than in Quandrant 1.

Quadrant 1 (shown as Like to Love Quadrant): This is my favourite phase and I hope that most of you have lots of people on this side of the axis.

Zone 1(shown as Phase 1 in the diagram):
y=x relationship
As time progresses and our x co-efficient increases, the curve is somewhat like a straight line.
What does it mean: It is a give and take relationship. A point at which you cannot take the other person for granted. In order to receive, you have to make an almost equal contribution. You enter the “more than just acquaintances” zone!

Zone 2 (shown as Phase 2 in the diagram on the left of the dashed vertical line):
y=f1(x) relationship
As our x co-efficient increases, what we receive increases at a faster rate than what we give in the relationship.
Where does this get you: We enter a comfort zone. A zone where friendships are born. A place, hopefully, devoid of judgements. A wonderfully fun zone where “leg pulling” is the name of the game and in return, sporting spirit is an omnipresent phenomena. This point, in my opinion, charts the entire course of what is to come. But it is also the most sensitive spot in the curve. It’s a point where one can easily end up moving backwards, towards the negative axis, if not handled with care. Again, one cannot take this zone for granted. It requires constant input. Else the way out of here is only backwards.

Zone 3 (shown as Phase 2 to the right of the dashed vertical line):
Plateau Point: y = e^x relationship
And this is one where most of our friends tend to reside. Its an overcrowded spot. The people who will be there for every birthday of yours. Who know which country you are living in. People who not only know where you work, but also know your designation. But DON’T REMEMBER WHAT YOU DO. We all need people in this plateau. Cause when there are promotions, they are first in line :)!

Zone 4: y = infinity (shown as last phase of quadrant 1)
This is the point where you reach a wonderfully beautiful threshold value of “love” that renders the relationship permanent. A point where, no matter how busy we get, we know the other person will be there! Our 3 a.m. calls, our alarms for a 5 a.m. flight, our “come to the airport to pick me up” person, a “I am out of milk…can you pick it up when u are coming over” person, a “I am insecure” soundboard, our “I am tired but I will still come along for your office party person”…the ever dependable, always listening, having-more-faith-in-your-strengths-than-you-have-in-yourself person.

This is also one of the most difficult and time consuming phases to reach. It requires a lot of nurturing and a lot of input. You risk seeing mirages if you speed up too fast. This relationship stands the test of time, of misunderstandings, of jealously, of love. What we give is insignificant in the face of what we receive. It’s the point of “infinity” (infinite love). This is the best place to be in. (And I wish this one for all of you! :)).

This model should typically be a 3 dimensional model, where the third dimension should be time i.e. the time taken at each phase. But honestly, my intelligence constrains here! Plus, really it would be pushing it a lot. Wow, just realized this would make a great research thesis (wow that’s giving myself a lot of credit). One day maybe! :D

P.S. This is dedicated to all my girls! :D Here is to the last 10 years! :D

Friday, August 1, 2008

Colors of India

I have three incomplete blogs lying in my posts sections...oh well! Now some of it was just due to pure lack of words...so no excuses there...and for the rest...well again...no excuses! Haha!

I realized my last few blogs were a lot about the sorry state of India and Indian healthcare and Indian education system...sigh! So I decided to balance the act here and tell you why I love India.

This may seem strange and funny...but really...Indian advertising is one of the reasons why I love it...I know funny! :) Now the big Times of India loyalist that I am...I am absolutely excited about their "Teach India" campaign! (Anjali and Neha...good luck with that!). I think its a great thing that they are doing...and while cynicists may call it a "gimmick"...even if it helps a few 100 kids...really I dont see any problem there. And its a great way for people to give back to society...I know a lots of people who want to. And of course their ads are all over the city...but this one really touched me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V75u1ehgfnc

I have had an experience in the past way back in school interacting with students from the Spastic Society of India. It was a very humbling experience to teach these guys for a year and believe me it was FUN! So I would definitely recommend it to everyone.

And of course...Bombay (Mumbai!). This city rocks. Literally. But its the spirit of the people living here that you cannot ignore. And you know one reason why we are the business hub of the country...at least the original business hub. Well we sure can multi-task. You just need one ride in the second-class local train of Mumbai to absorb everything there is to know about the city. It cuts across all sections of society and age! Where else will can you see women cutting their vegetables on their way home to prepare a good home-cooked meal for their family. Hats off to them! And no conversation about Bombay can be complete without a mention of my (sorry OURS...Neha is watching) favourite places in the city. Hard Rock Cafe! I agree Neha..thats one of the most saddest thing about leaving Bombay. I am sure none of the other ones arnd the world can match upto this.

I love India for Kerala. In a strange way I know there is some past life connection there! I love India for the hospitality and camaradie of the general public. Recently, I happened to go to the vegetable vendor we were a regular at in my old locality. While the decision was purely out of convenience (I was driving through the area and Mom needed me to buy some veggies), I was surprised at the unexpected “welcome” of sorts that I received. He was most happy at my decision to shop from him even though we moved houses 20 mins away and my new locality has better vegetable vendors (in terms of variety). So he happily offered me a discount and his “best rates”. Within seconds, the fruits vendor came to say hello and I was super surprised. They all wanted me to send my regards to “Bhabhiji” (my mother)!

Of course there are a million more reasons I love India but time and lack of words constrain me from going on and on. So I will stop here while India moves forward! Now really...do I need to explain why the "Happiness Quotient" of India is rising! :)